"Maybe they’re Johnson and Sophie wearing masks, and this is all being paid for by MTV and the Playboy channel!"
— Mark Corrigan
"I do sort of like it when he’s rude to me. Hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing."
— Mark Corrigan
"Look at me, friends with a big black businessman like it’s the most natural thing in the world!"
— Mark Corrigan
"I’m having an orgasm against my will! Oh God, she’s stolen sex off me!"
— Mark Corrigan
"Oh yeah. Pissed and stoned in a gas-guzzler; this is the life. Already given a quid to Greenpeace this year so I’m golden."
— Jez
"Don’t be alarmed, Mark. It’s just Tai Chi."
— Johnson
"Maybe he’s on acid or watched a whole Jeremy Kyle."
— Mark Corrigan
- Johnson: If we succeed, I'm going to be Charles and you'll be my Camilla.
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] I'm going to be Johnson's Queen! If the public will accept me, I'm going to be Johnson's Queen!
"Not the dog! Not the dog! Shit, the dog."
— Jez
"Oh God, I think I love her. I think I’m falling in love. Or getting a bone-on, which is basically the same thing when you get rid of all the Valentine’s cards and bullshit."
— Jez
