- Sophie's mum: Come back soon
- Jez: Yeah, right. So your husband can kill me and your son can worship my stuffed corpse and you can wheel me out for a fuck. No thankyou.
- Jez: What are you making?
- Sophie's mum: Just some Blair resignation jam
"If I don’t think about it, there’s always a chance it didn’t happen."
— Jez
"Oh come on, she was my mum’s aunt. I only met her about twice. It’s not like she was Ian Curtis; she was never going to make a seminal album. She couldn’t even make very good Christmas cake."
— Jez
"She must have run off (except she definitely hasn’t because I’m carrying her around in this bag)"
— Jez
"Oh yeah. Pissed and stoned in a gas-guzzler; this is the life. Already given a quid to Greenpeace this year so I’m golden."
— Jez
"Maybe he’s on acid or watched a whole Jeremy Kyle."
— Mark Corrigan
"Not the dog! Not the dog! Shit, the dog."
— Jez
"Oh God, I think I love her. I think I’m falling in love. Or getting a bone-on, which is basically the same thing when you get rid of all the Valentine’s cards and bullshit."
— Jez
"Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for wankers."
— Jez
