"You’re not just a man anymore, you are a man with a van. You get a van, Jez, we could be men with ven"
— Super Hans
"Brown for first course, white for pudding. Brown’s savoury, white’s the treat. Of course I’m the one who’s laughing because I actually love brown toast."
— Mark Corrigan
- Sophie's mum: Come back soon
- Jez: Yeah, right. So your husband can kill me and your son can worship my stuffed corpse and you can wheel me out for a fuck. No thankyou.
"So what if I don’t really love her. Charles didn’t really love Diana and they were alright. Sort of."
— Mark Corrigan
- Jez: What are you making?
- Sophie's mum: Just some Blair resignation jam
"If I don’t think about it, there’s always a chance it didn’t happen."
— Jez
"If she’s the one she’s hiding it brilliantly."
— Mark Corrigan
"I would literally stab a baby to do it."
— Mark Corrigan
"Oh come on, she was my mum’s aunt. I only met her about twice. It’s not like she was Ian Curtis; she was never going to make a seminal album. She couldn’t even make very good Christmas cake."
— Jez
"She must have run off (except she definitely hasn’t because I’m carrying her around in this bag)"
— Jez
